Angels in the Outfield commentary, part 2: ‘Boy, they’re bad’

Now that some of the family drama is out of the way, for now, let’s cut to a baseball game. We see a binocular shot with the circles and black screen around the view of the field. True to the radio broadcast from earlier, the Blue Jays are batting against the Angels. We hear a radio this time, too, letting fans know the Angels are down by 7 runs in the 8th inning. So, another banner game for the Halos.

Roger and J.P. are viewing the game on some high tree limbs outside the stadium. Roger has the binoculars and J.P. has the radio. The avid little baseball fans want to see a strikeout. A righthanded pitcher with a mustache named Gates is the hurler for the California Angels. Yes, let’s take a moment here and remember that the team was known as the California Angels in the 90s, rather than the Anaheim Angels or the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

A pitch is driven into left-center as the two fielders run to attempt the catch. In center, Ben Williams (McConaughey) calls for the ball while Norton just kind of looks over at him like an idiot while he continues to also run toward the ball. Did I paint a good enough picture here? The fielders collide and definitely do not catch the ball.

“And Williams and Norton collide, and the catch is blown.”

Meeting the voice of the Angels and the fiery manager
Here, we see the first shot of the team’s play-by-play announcer in the radio booth, Ranch Wilder played by Jay O. Sanders. Wilder speaks into one of those old-fashioned microphones. He’s also not wearing headphones here, something I’ve seen all radio broadcasters do before. So, there’s a point off for realism.

For good measure in the outfield, Norton and Williams bump heads (with a loud sound effect) as they scramble around the field on their hands and knees looking for the baseball. We don’t see the result of the play, or where the batter ends up, but I’m not sure how this isn’t an inside-the-park home run, unless the batter is hobbling on one leg or something.

Cut back Roger, who utters a “boy, they’re bad” from his perch in the tree. Then, the camera goes right to a perfect shot of a leg violently kicking over a Gatorade cooler full of ice and orange sports drink, spilling it all over the dugout steps and floor.

The leg came from Angels manager George Knox, played by Danny Glover. His introduction into the movie shows his name on the back of his jersey with the audio of Wilder mentioning the manager’s temper. Knox puts up his right hand to signal the bullpen move, with an angry, but stoic, face. He’s going to take Gates out.

Not your average pitching change
Now, this is the 8th inning down 7 runs. I sure hope Gates is from the bullpen. Because if your starter is still pitching that late into the game down by 7, that’s a major problem. Still, Gates looks pissed he’s getting the hook as Knox holds out his hand and demands the baseball.

“It ain’t my fault, you need a new outfield!” Gates says, as we see Norton and Williams up walking around because apparently there’s no athletic trainer or concussion protocol. Knox reiterates that Gates is out of the game, a little more forcefully, and then Gates loses it.

“You want the ball? Go get it! You want my glove? Go get it!” As he throws the ball and glove like a child.

Cue the chaos. Knox grabs Gates by the shoulders and the two begin to fight it out. The middle infielders rush in. The catcher comes out to the mound, too, but he looks like he doesn’t know what to do as his manager and pitcher are rolling around on the ground in a tussle.

“You’re washed up, you’ll never pitch again!” Knox says.

The benches clear, but before Toronto gets too far, their (stereotypical old-dude) manager with a giant wad of tobacco in his cheeks calls them off by telling them it’s not their fight. Ranch says Knox has created total chaos and rises from his seat holding his mic calling the scene outrageous with Knox “fighting off his own players.” Gates gets pulled from the scrum and fires back: “You can’t manage a team, man!”

Ejection from the game, and from the tree
Here’s kind of a confusing part: The umpire then emphatically throws Knox out of the game. Roger, a kid I thought was a diehard fan, is mad and wants the ump to leave him in. Wait. Is he serious? You expect a manager to not get tossed after he wrestled his own pitcher to the ground in the middle of a game? Please. Then J.P. offers a lame “don’t throw him out!” The jury’s still out on how much he knows about baseball.

Their voices must have been loud enough to attract the attention of a security guard, who just so happened to be on the upper-deck grandstand stairs in view of the boys. He turns around and asks the kids what they’re doing in the tree. Um, I think it’s obvious, buddy. They didn’t want/have the money to pay for a ticket and are trying to watch a baseball game.

“You better have tickets for that tree!”

Seriously, the guard said that. It’s not even that funny. Obviously, if they had tickets, they’d be in the stadium. The boys quickly head down the tree trunk, and I’m always left wondering: How many games did they watch like this? They seemed genuinely surprised they got caught.

Ranch Wilder and his true colors
Meanwhile, Knox is trying to get his money's worth on his ejection, arguing in the umpire’s face, complete with his ball cap on backward. Knox gets all indignant and says that the ump can’t kick him out of the game, because he’s leaving. Sure, alright. This exchange is only funny because it’s totally a Disney/rated-G proof. You know this is a profanity-laced tirade if this is a real game.

In the booth, Ranch flips his mic switch to the off position and puffs on a cigarette. He’s sitting next to who, I assume, is the color-radio guy; for some reason, when I watched as a kid this guy always reminded me of a Jim Carrey look alike. He asks Ranch if Ranch could do any better with the Angels, to which Wilder scoffs and says “blindfolded.” Color-guy promptly recalls Wilder’s troubles as a manager.

OK, so we’ve learned Wilder was at one time a baseball manager. File it away.

We’re seeing for the first time what a douchebag Ranch can be, as he tells color-guy to “zip it, pal,” and puts out his cigarette in color-guy’s Angels coffee mug. Ranch gets back on the air – without headphones on, it seems he’s psychic and knew the commercial was over – and comments about how long Hank Murphy, the Angels owner, will put up with these shenanigans. It would have been nice if he actually used that word, shenanigans.

Cut to an old fella in a cowboy hat listening to the broadcast; we’ll assume that’s Murphy. Ranch wraps up his coverage with this smug gem: “With George Knox calling the shots, you never know what will happen.” That definitely doesn’t seem like a homer-type announcer who works for the team. 

Angels in the Outfield commentary, part 1: 'I'd say when the Angels win the pennant'